


Your Forever is All That I Need

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Harry Styles - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Self Harm, Ship, Smut, idek just read it, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, read it, top!Louis, you'll be fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 05:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is broken and struggling and Louis finds himself crying much too often, but they have each other, and that's okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Forever is All That I Need

**Author's Note:**

> Meh. Have this quick thing that I wrote a few days ago.
> 
> *Trigger Warning: self harm and depression are implied.

When Harry walks into Louis' study, he's angry and tired and sad. 

He's sad because that's just how he feels most of the time now. He's tired because he hasn't slept properly in three days, always waking up sweaty with an aching chest, and he's angry because he can't stop slicing up his own fucking skin.

Louis' study always makes him feel better because it's messy and smells of Louis' aftershave and it just generally reminds him of Louis.

He sits in the window seat and looks out over the city. Its still early, probably nearing three o'clock in the afternoon, and Harry knows that Louis will be home any minute.

He absently rubs his thumb over the fresh cuts on his wrist. He doesn't mind that it stings a little because he's used to it and he's fucking worthless anyway.

Louis hates when Harry puts himself down but its not like he can always help it. Most of the time, Harry doesn't see the point in living anymore. He once told Louis that, and immediately regretted it because Louis started crying. And Harry hates seeing Louis cry, so he never said it again after that.

He still thinks it though.

Almost as if on cue, Louis walks into the apartment, quietly shutting the door behind him. Harry turns to look at him as he walks into the study.

"How was work?" He asks, just like he does everyday.

And Louis shrugs. Just like he does everyday. "Slow. Boring. The usual."

Harry nods and turns back to look out of the window. Louis crosses the room and sits opposite of Harry in the window seat. They sit in silence for a long time.

After a while, Louis' stomach starts growling and Harry gets cold so they look at each other and silently decide to prepare dinner.

Louis has never been the best cook and Harry hasn't been up to cooking in a while, so they quickly make grilled cheese sandwiches and eat at the large island in the middle of the kitchen.

Louis washes the dishes when they're both finished. Harry changes into an old band tee and some of Louis' sweats, which are far too short on him.

Louis takes Harry's hand in his own and leads him to the living room where they indulge in a few episodes of Breaking Bad together. 

Harry snuggles up to Louis side and sighs quietly. The sun has already gone down, the moon shining softly on everything beneath it. Harry likes the night time because it makes him feel safe, but he also hates it because it's at night at two o'clock in the morning when his demons decide to come out and play.

Harry absently runs his thumb over the cuts on his wrist, and Louis notices because, if Harry's honest, Louis always notices. Even when they're not out on display.

And just like that Louis is kissing Harry's cuts and looking deep into his green eyes, searching for answers and an explanation. 

But Harry is good at hiding his feelings, and always has been, so after a while, Louis grimaces and gives up. 

Harry almost feels bad for cutting. Almost. He hates seeing the pain on Louis' face and hates the way Louis sometimes cries quietly in the bathroom, unaware that Harry can hear his sniffles and choked sobs.

Just like that, Harry gets that guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach and he bites his bottom lip before leaning forward to peck Louis' cheek.

"I'm sorry," is all he says.

"I know," Louis replies, because he does know.

He knows that Harry does what he does not for attention, but for relief. And although Louis hates it, he's learned that he can't do anything about it except maybe try to help.

Harry has never even asked him to help, but they've been married for almost seven years, so Louis feels obliged to anyway.

Harry pulls himself up and sits on the sofa with his legs criss-crossed. He closes his eyes for a moment before looking back at Louis and forcing his best smile, because Louis only deserves the best.

And Louis smiles in return because this Harry, the one sitting in front of him now, almost looks like the sixteen year old Harry he met on the X Factor years and years ago. Even though this Harry's smile is not genuine and his eyes are sad, he almost looks the same. So Louis smiles because he finally has a reason to.

"I love you," Harry whispers, because he does love Louis, even if he can't love himself. 

"I love you too," Louis says, and its honest and sweet and it almost makes Harry want to cry.

Louis pulls Harry onto his lap and kisses his nose a few times, causing the curly haired boy to smile slightly.

But then Louis turns serious again, looking down at Harry's cuts.

"You said you would stop."

"I said a lot of things," Harry replies, and Louis nods because it's true.

But that doesn't make him any less angry. He still wants to punch a wall. Still wants break something. Still wants to hold Harry tight and make him feel beautiful.

Almost as if Harry knows what Louis is thinking, he places simple little kisses down the blue eyed boy's neck because this has always calmed Louis down. 

Louis places his hands on Harry's waist, fingernails digging into the younger boy's skin. His eyes are closed, head thrown back a bit to give Harry better access. 

Harry stops kissing Louis and stands up. He offers a hand to Louis, who groans in protest, but takes it anyway. Harry pulls the older boy off of the sofa and leads him upstairs. 

When they get to the bedroom, Louis gently pushes Harry against the wall. Everything he does with Harry is gentle, probably because he's scared that one day the younger boy is going to break, and he doesn't want to be the cause of it.

And then they're kissing. Sloppy and quick but electric and amazing at the same time. Louis tries to think back to the last time he and Harry kissed like this, but he can't remember. 

Harry's arms are around Louis' neck, eyes squeezed shut. Louis is licking into his mouth, hot and messy. Harry pulls away, gasping for air. He nuzzles into the crook of Louis' neck, breathing heavily.

Louis trails a finger up and down Harry's back. He gets a sick feeling in his stomach when he goes to pull Harry's shirt off and encounters the taller boy's ribs. They jut out, and Louis realizes just how malnourished Harry really is.

Nevertheless, he pulls Harry's shirt off and drops it at their feet. Harry shivers slightly and pushes Louis towards the bed. Louis chuckles at his eagerness and willingly falls back into the soft mattress, pulling Harry beside of him.

Louis sits up and straddles Harry, palms flat on the other boy's butterfly tattoo.

Harry lays his arms by his side, wrists turned down, cuts pressed against the bed sheet.

Louis looks into Harry's eyes, and even now, with his pupils blown and lustful, Louis can still see the sadness that lies beneath. He can see the tears and the pain and absolute misery that Harry hides from the world.

And just like that, Louis is crying, head hanging, shoulders slumped. He shakes with sobs, salty tears falling onto Harry's chest at an unreal pace.

Harry furrows his eyebrows and sits up, pulling Louis into his lap. He holds the smaller boy tightly, stroking his hair as he shakes with sobs.

Louis' cries escalade as he shouts a few incoherent words. Finally, after a few minutes, he looks up at Harry shakes his head.

"How could you do this to yourself Harry? How..?" He chokes out.

Guilt puddles in Harry's stomach. He squeezes his eyes closed, fighting back tears. He hates seeing Louis cry. Hates knowing that he caused it.

"I'm sorry, Lou. I'm sorry," he whispers.

A strangled sob escapes Louis mouth and Harry clenches his fists because its all he can do to keep from ripping his own hair out. This is his fault. This is all his fault.

Almost as if Louis is reading his mind, he places a hand on each side of Harry's face.

"Do not blame yourself, Harry. This is not your fault."

Harry blinks back tears and forces himself to look into Louis' cerulean eyes. They hold each other's gaze for a few moments before Louis leans forward to press a gentle kiss to Harry's chapped lips.

Harry is quick to kiss back, wanting more of Louis. He just wants to forget his problems, even for a little while. 

He strips out of the rest of his clothes as Louis does the same. The smaller boy positions himself on top of Harry. He licks around Harry's nipples, knowing that it drives his husband mad.

Harry squirms beneath him, quiet moans escaping his mouth. The sounds go straight to Louis' dick, causing him to move a bit, anxious for some friction.

Harry wraps his legs around Louis' waist and rubs their groins together. The two of them moan in unison. Harry's breathing is heavy now, and Louis is having trouble keeping his calm.

"Come on Lou," Harry practically begs. 

Louis nods and grabs a condom from the nightstand. He lubes up Harry's hole for a few minutes, the younger boy writhing beneath him, before he slowly slides in.

Harry's breath hitches in his throat, blunt nails digging into Louis' skin.

Soon, Louis has a steady rhythm going, a bit too slow for his liking, but comfortable enough. 

Harry, on the other hand, is a sweaty mess. He desperately pulls Louis closer, searching for some sort of satisfaction.

"Fuck Lou, speed up a bit," he grunts, squeezing his eyes shut.

Louis doesn't reply, just places his hands on Harry's stomach and thrusts into him at a quicker pace.

Harry bites his lip to hold back a scream, but Louis isn't having any of that.

"I want to hear you yell, Harry. I want to disturb the neighbors," Louis commands, slamming into the green eyed boy.

Harry throws his head back, curls matted to his forehead. He opens his mouth, like he's trying to say something, but the only thing that comes out is a throaty moan.

"What was that? I can't hear you,"  
Louis teases.

He slams into Harry, using all of his willpower not to come just yet.

Harry screams, nails cutting into Louis' skin. He closes his emerald eyes, eyebrows furrowed together. 

"I still can't hear you Harry!" Louis shouts, thrusting into his boyfriend as fast as he can.

Harry has come completely undone now, eyes rolled to the back of his head. He shouts Louis' name, hurting his throat. Then, he's coming, all over Louis' stomach and chest.

With a few more sloppy thrusts, Louis is coming too. He falls onto Harry's chest, sweaty and tired.

After a while, both of them begin to get uncomfortable, so Louis pulls out and disposes of the used condom.

He gets a cloth to clean Harry and himself up before laying on the bed next to the lanky boy.

Harry wraps his arms around Louis and rests his chin on top of his feather-soft hair.

Harry can't sleep though, bad thoughts creeping into his mind. He sighs and tries to clear his head, to no avail. 

"Is everything okay?" Louis asks quietly.

Harry nods and closes his eyes. "Yeah. Fine. Can you..sing to me though?" 

Louis fights back a small smile. He swallows and nods once. Then, his voice fills the bedroom, high pitched, but soft at the same time.

" Stay for tonight. If you want to I can show you what my dreams are made of, as I'm dreaming of your face."

Harry smiles because this song is familiar. Its one that he often hears Louis humming when he gets ready for work in the morning.

"I've been away for a long time. Such a long time, and I miss you there. I can't imagine being anywhere else. I can't imagine being anywhere else but here."

Harry scoots closer to Louis and yawns, finally feeling tired. He pulls the blankets over the two of them.

"How the hell did you ever pick me? Honestly, 'cause I could sing you a song, but I don't think words can express your beauty. It's singing to me."

And Louis' voice is so careful, like if he sings too loud, he'll break something. And its enough to make Harry want to cry because Louis cares, and probably always has.

"How the hell did we end up like this? You bring out the beast in me. I fell in love from the moment we kissed. Since then we've been history."

Harry smiles to himself because yes, he did fall in love with Louis so many years ago when they first kissed on the X Factor. And yes, since then, they have been history.

And suddenly he feels better. The metaphorical gaping hole in his chest has been filled with Louis. He now knows that someone is here to help him, and always has been here. Its just taken him longer than usual to realize it.

**Author's Note:**

> The song Louis sings is called 'Scene One- James Dean & Audrey Hepburn' by Sleeping With Sirens


End file.
